I'm not so sure how to feel about all these. Everything was so sudden. I was just trying to get up from a fall when you picked me up. The one I loved a long time ago. The one I didn't expect to come. The one I thought I forgot, but I never really did.
I don't know how to put this in words. Like how we started our relationship years ago, I still can't tell you how much I'm happy you're in my life. Much more now that you're here again despite everything. We both know I was bad before. I even left you, not thinking how you're going to feel about that. I was blinded by my selfish, immature demands that I didn't see how much you value me and our relationship. We were so messed up then, and I wasn't able to handle those rough times. I thought leaving you will make me a better person, but it turned out to be a bigger mess I got into.
It was tough for me too. I thought I've already moved on from you. But you were always in my dreams. A lot of things reminded me of you. I tried getting rid of those things, but I loved the feeling of remembering someone I truly loved long ago. I was feeling guilty all the time because sometimes I find myself thinking of you. I wanted to talk to you ever since I left. I always wished I would see you somewhere I know you would be. Whenever I come to school, I wished to meet you or anyone close to you to know what's been going on with your life. I tried looking at your FB page too, and I saw no new photos of you.
Until you sent me a message a month ago. I felt so nervous. I was supposed to respond that same day; but I stopped myself. I really felt nervous because I wanted so much to talk to you, that I was thinking about it the whole week before I finally replied. I even talked to my friends about it because I was so bothered. Then I replied a week after. I forgot how but I remember what I felt that moment—tensed and relieved at the same time. I tried to sound like I don't want to talk to you so you'll back off. Remember, I even congratulated your Ate and asked where you work? That's because I wanted to prolong the conversation. I wanted to tell you that I'm happy we've finally talked and settled the past. I wanted to tell you how glad I am that you were the one to apologize. But I can't.
Sorry, bie. I was so rude that time. But you never gave up, right? I thought that after I told you we can't be friends you'll take back your friend request. But you didn't. You waited.
Just days ago, I finally decided to talk to you without stopping myself. It was actually the best thing I did ever since I searched for you again—though I wasn't expecting you to be coming back to me as my boyfriend again. I just really wanted to talk to you, know what's happened to you since we parted ways, and tell you everything that has happened to me too. You asked if we could be friends; I thought we can.
Then we're back together again. Just like that. Time healed our wounds, and the past was nothing but just a lesson we learned from. I'm really, really, really glad to have you again. You're that person who doesn't depend on the past. You're that man who lives in the present, learns from the past, and works for the future—and I love you so much for that. It's almost two years since we separated, but now, it felt like we never ended.
I still can't believe we're a couple again. I'm happier now, not only because we're in love with each other again, but also because we've grown up enough to handle our relationship better and stronger than before. I don't want to believe in destiny anymore but with everything happening just a day before our monthsary, I thought it's really fate that brought us together again.
I'm so glad we're going to celebrate your birthday again, as well as my college graduation, and holidays like Christmas and New Year. All these things are very important to me. You know me, I'm not into extravagant celebrations, gifts, or trips. I just want to be with you, your arms wrapped around me, just us in love with each other. Do you remember the long walks we used to have? The comfortable silence we shared? The dreams we built together? The future we've hoped to achieve? And the love we've long fought for? All the good things we had before we fell apart? I remember all these the moment I looked into your eyes again. I may not remember everything as detailed as you can, but the feelings I felt for you before—minus the frustrations and sorrows—are coming back and it's so vivid like we've never broken up. I love you even more now.
We know it's quite too fast to talk about marriage, but I am really up for it. I know I'm still too young to plan about these things, but I just wanted to settle down as soon as I have enough resources. I was always hoping I'd finally find the man I could share these plans with. The fact that I have never forgotten you, I always thought of you, I have always loved you, and I missed you all the time you were away, maybe you are the man I could finally get away with these plans. Maybe you are that one. I really want to marry you. I always told you before, I may not be the first woman in your life, but I will love you more than you love me because I want to be your last. I know you've heard this before from me or anyone else, but I want you for the rest of my life. Only you.
Baby, we don't know what'll happen next. Only God knows what's best for us. But I think if He wanted us to be together again, He definitely wanted us to love wholly again. We don't want to waste this God-given chance, right? Let's do everything to make this last longer than forever. You know, I can cause you stress; I can get mad at you; I cannot talk to you for hours; and I can be moody. But did you know that despite all these, I'll never leave you again? Do you still believe that I'll never give up on you again?
I love you so much, baby. There are too many fish in the sea, but I found you twice. I truly love you for who you are, who you've become when we're apart, and who you'll be in the near future—my husband. I want to thank you for:
* the unbelievable patience you had waiting for me
* being the first to apologize for what happened in the past
* offering a friendship I can't resist
* forgetting the past and looking ahead
* giving me your time
* being so sweet and honest
* loving me
* inspiring me to write about being happy and in love again
* being the best man I've ever had
* coming into my life again
* inviting me over to your hometown (you already know how much it means to me)
* AND EVERYTHING ELSE I CAN'T EXPLAIN!
This is it for now. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BABY!
