I
couldn’t put my happiness into words; perhaps not now that I’m still on a high.
We were just side by side a few minutes ago, and now we’re on our own again. I
miss him so much already. As I look at him pacing away from me, my heart
becomes heavy. He is my everything. For the moment, I am left with nothing, and
all I ever want is to be beside him as long as I live.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Friday, January 2, 2015
Day 2 of 2015
I never imagined this would all be real. A lot of times I doubted if this would all work out or fail again just like how my stories ended up. I’m not a bitter woman anymore, but I have this feeling that if I plan and expect too much, I’ll be completely damned again. So I don’t plan things; I just let everything happen. I don’t expect a lot from my partner. I just let him do what he wants to do. I still give restrictions but I don’t expect his hundred percent obedience. I mean, I still hate some things he does, but I’m not strict anymore to get really mad over things he wasn’t able to follow. (Oh, and by the way, I hate the words follow, obey and rules. They all make relationships fail.) Without too much expectations and plans, I guess my life would be better with my partner, as well as his life with me. And it worked. I’m so glad it all worked. I finally knew the secret to a healthy relationship. I may be too young to know these things, but at least I knew what’s going on with me and I did something about it.
Aside from the fact that I was able to determine the problem with me, there’s also this drastic change in him that makes this relationship so worthy. I was surprised by the way he’s acting ever since we got back together. He seems so in love with me, like he’s made this promise beyond my knowledge that he’ll love me more than before if I give him another chance. Well, he told me before that he really did. He promised not to let me go again, to make our relationship work out this time, and to make us last forever. He said he’d make me happy all the time and by all means. He told me he’d make up for the last time we had our breakup, that he’ll never hurt me again and he’ll love me because I’m the last woman he’ll ever love. Cheesy, right? I didn’t shed a tear, though my heart was really overjoyed. I never thought he’d turn into a man I’d always dreamt of. He wasn’t really a bad boyfriend before, but he’s totally different now. I can’t even remember what he was like before. All that matters now is what he became after all this time.
I used to daydream that someday a guy will spend the holidays with me even though it’s supposed to be a time with the family. But then it never happened so I threw away all those fantasies and believed that holidays are better when I’m alone. But yesterday, he turned my world upside down. It was the first day of the year, and he wanted to be with me. At home. What he did seemed a normal effort for me, but little did he know that he just made the most perfect decision to be with me on January 1st. I may seem a little hesitant to recognize that effort he made, but at the back of my mind, it’s all I ever wanted and he just made my dream come true! He’s really the greatest.
So we spent half the day together; the first hours were at the mall, strolling around looking for stuff and something to eat. The rest was at home, watching a movie and talking about random things. We were sitting side by side until I craved so much for his warmth. All of a sudden I wanted to just hug him tightly and kiss him infinitely, like we were alone in the house. That moment, my mind was occupied by thoughts of him. He means the world to me. And I was filled with questions, wondering what would happen to me in his absence. What would my life be without him? What would happen to my heart when the only reason for its beating is his love? What would love mean when he’s gone? He’s everything, and if I ever lose him again, I’d be nothing.
He came home late because we waited for my brother’s arrival. I want him to meet my brother so we patiently waited. Honestly, I was nervous. I didn’t know how to react when my brother paced down, reached for his right hand, and shook hands with him. I was happy but I didn’t know what to say. Whatever happened that moment, it was amazing. He met all of my family, and I’m more than glad he’s okay with all of them.
That night, while he was on his way home, we were texting each other when he started telling me things I’d always love to hear, like travel plans, birthday trips (this was originally discussed at home when we’re still together), and marriage. As a woman, I’m naturally dreamy, thinking about all of these things out loud all the time. I’m only trying to hide that feminine part of me most of the time because I didn’t want to expect too much from everything. But now that I heard the same things I’m thinking of from the man I love, I knew our love was not the ordinary feeling we get when we were still young. It’s the kind of love we feel when we’re old enough to think about the future, how we are going to plan our wedding, how much we will spend for that special occasion, and other things only mature couples think about. When he told me his plans for us, I fought the urge to cry for so much happiness, but what the hell, I’m already weeping. I ran out of words to respond to his texts. It took me more than three minutes to compose a message I usually create in a minute. His words were like a remedy to my deepest wounds; when he repeatedly told me to stop crying and just save those tears for his intense proposal, I suddenly felt like life isn’t really tough at all. I cried. He made me believe again in what love can do; that it only takes a man and a woman—for instance, us—truly in love with each other to make life more worthy than riches. I don’t mean to forget the value of money, and just let love do it’s magic on our relationship. Of course, everything is important as well. Love, which is the foundation of marriage, is not the only thing that will keep the marriage alive forever. And that’s why I’m so glad he’s my partner. Our minds are on the same page, that’s why we agree on most things. I don’t claim that we don’t have our many differences. We definitely do, and we’re able to work together despite disagreements. I know we’re a great team, and we’re doing everything towards the success of our long-lasting relationship.
Everything he did and said last night indeed made my day a perfect one. It doesn’t have to take 24 hours to show your loved one how much he or she means to you. For us, it only takes a second to appreciate each other’s presence, a minute to know that we’re always here for each other, an hour to tell the loveliest words we’d long to hear, and a few more hours to show each other how much we love to be together even in silence. I love him so much that I’m not suicidal anymore if he leaves me. He’ll only take away my heart if he strays away, but I know he’ll never ever leave my side. This love brought back the happiness and freedom I lost, the care I used to give, and the life I used to live. So I won’t waste this heaven-sent chance for us to work this out till forever. I love you, baby.
Aside from the fact that I was able to determine the problem with me, there’s also this drastic change in him that makes this relationship so worthy. I was surprised by the way he’s acting ever since we got back together. He seems so in love with me, like he’s made this promise beyond my knowledge that he’ll love me more than before if I give him another chance. Well, he told me before that he really did. He promised not to let me go again, to make our relationship work out this time, and to make us last forever. He said he’d make me happy all the time and by all means. He told me he’d make up for the last time we had our breakup, that he’ll never hurt me again and he’ll love me because I’m the last woman he’ll ever love. Cheesy, right? I didn’t shed a tear, though my heart was really overjoyed. I never thought he’d turn into a man I’d always dreamt of. He wasn’t really a bad boyfriend before, but he’s totally different now. I can’t even remember what he was like before. All that matters now is what he became after all this time.
I used to daydream that someday a guy will spend the holidays with me even though it’s supposed to be a time with the family. But then it never happened so I threw away all those fantasies and believed that holidays are better when I’m alone. But yesterday, he turned my world upside down. It was the first day of the year, and he wanted to be with me. At home. What he did seemed a normal effort for me, but little did he know that he just made the most perfect decision to be with me on January 1st. I may seem a little hesitant to recognize that effort he made, but at the back of my mind, it’s all I ever wanted and he just made my dream come true! He’s really the greatest.
So we spent half the day together; the first hours were at the mall, strolling around looking for stuff and something to eat. The rest was at home, watching a movie and talking about random things. We were sitting side by side until I craved so much for his warmth. All of a sudden I wanted to just hug him tightly and kiss him infinitely, like we were alone in the house. That moment, my mind was occupied by thoughts of him. He means the world to me. And I was filled with questions, wondering what would happen to me in his absence. What would my life be without him? What would happen to my heart when the only reason for its beating is his love? What would love mean when he’s gone? He’s everything, and if I ever lose him again, I’d be nothing.
He came home late because we waited for my brother’s arrival. I want him to meet my brother so we patiently waited. Honestly, I was nervous. I didn’t know how to react when my brother paced down, reached for his right hand, and shook hands with him. I was happy but I didn’t know what to say. Whatever happened that moment, it was amazing. He met all of my family, and I’m more than glad he’s okay with all of them.
That night, while he was on his way home, we were texting each other when he started telling me things I’d always love to hear, like travel plans, birthday trips (this was originally discussed at home when we’re still together), and marriage. As a woman, I’m naturally dreamy, thinking about all of these things out loud all the time. I’m only trying to hide that feminine part of me most of the time because I didn’t want to expect too much from everything. But now that I heard the same things I’m thinking of from the man I love, I knew our love was not the ordinary feeling we get when we were still young. It’s the kind of love we feel when we’re old enough to think about the future, how we are going to plan our wedding, how much we will spend for that special occasion, and other things only mature couples think about. When he told me his plans for us, I fought the urge to cry for so much happiness, but what the hell, I’m already weeping. I ran out of words to respond to his texts. It took me more than three minutes to compose a message I usually create in a minute. His words were like a remedy to my deepest wounds; when he repeatedly told me to stop crying and just save those tears for his intense proposal, I suddenly felt like life isn’t really tough at all. I cried. He made me believe again in what love can do; that it only takes a man and a woman—for instance, us—truly in love with each other to make life more worthy than riches. I don’t mean to forget the value of money, and just let love do it’s magic on our relationship. Of course, everything is important as well. Love, which is the foundation of marriage, is not the only thing that will keep the marriage alive forever. And that’s why I’m so glad he’s my partner. Our minds are on the same page, that’s why we agree on most things. I don’t claim that we don’t have our many differences. We definitely do, and we’re able to work together despite disagreements. I know we’re a great team, and we’re doing everything towards the success of our long-lasting relationship.
Everything he did and said last night indeed made my day a perfect one. It doesn’t have to take 24 hours to show your loved one how much he or she means to you. For us, it only takes a second to appreciate each other’s presence, a minute to know that we’re always here for each other, an hour to tell the loveliest words we’d long to hear, and a few more hours to show each other how much we love to be together even in silence. I love him so much that I’m not suicidal anymore if he leaves me. He’ll only take away my heart if he strays away, but I know he’ll never ever leave my side. This love brought back the happiness and freedom I lost, the care I used to give, and the life I used to live. So I won’t waste this heaven-sent chance for us to work this out till forever. I love you, baby.
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