Our Fate

I'm not trying to question our fate to be together, but I still wonder how we ended up as a couple after a long time. Just imagine how many people we could have met before we saw each other again, how a million things could have happened that would hinder this second chance, and how fast the time flies which would have let that moment slip away in a snap. It seems like a fantasy to think how one's life can be affected by a tiny change in time. What if I didn't send you that friend request, will we be given that second chance? What if you weren't online for days and you didn't see my request, will you still be interested in me? What if I decided to deactivate my account that time, will our fate find another way to let us talk to each other again?

Love's a mystery. Stories about love may seem so clear at first, but when you look through it, there are too many questions you know only God can answer. I know nothing about my fate, whether I'll know my soulmate at age 21 or I'll get married with the same man at 26. I just follow God's plan for me. I may have doubted Him for so many times, but this time, I know He's finally giving me the few people I can keep for a lifetime.

The way we met again is a mystery none of us can solve. But it amazes me every time I try to think how God wants our love story to be like. It seems complicated because unlike other stories, we had to go through tough trials and stubborn people. They say it's the journey that counts. Well, not with our love story, at least in the first part. I didn't like the journey primarily because we had to be apart. In that chapter of our story, I just liked the destination of our journey, and that's being with you again.

This is only the beginning of another chapter in our love story. I know we're stronger than before. We don't have to separate again baby. We'll always be together no matter how difficult the circumstances are. No one's gonna leave each other. And that's a vow we made the moment we said I love you, okay? I swear I'll never break your heart again. I love you, Von. You're the answer to my prayers. <3

The First and Only Time I Fell in Love

I can't thank you enough for everything you've done in a very short time. I don't know how to thank you for being such a good boyfriend to me. You never fail to make me smile everyday. I'm not exaggerating things since you came into my life again. It's the truth, I'm so happy every single day. And this means so much to me. Having you here in my heart, making me the luckiest girl on the planet, is a dream come true and an answered prayer. In case you don't know how much this means to me, let me tell you two things...

First, I've been telling this a lot of times, but this is actually the first time it felt so true, that I'm undoubtedly in love with a man who's more in love with me. This is the first time I'm getting goose bumps and butterflies in my stomach at the same time while telling people how much I love you. I know you're feeling the same, and everything feels like the first and the only time you fell in love, right?

Second, I've heard the same words before, but everything you say now sounds so new, like they're repeating every single day, and I'm feeling the same happiness I felt the first time I heard it. I've heard I love you perhaps a thousand times, but yours is so different. It's my ultimate favorite music of all time, that I can listen to your I love you's every second without getting tired. And everything else you say, it's just so magical. Everything feels like the first time -- everyday!

What makes everything you do more magical is how it makes me more happier today than yesterday. And I really feel it's going to be like that till we get old. So by the time we're 90s, I'm gonna be a zillion times happier than today. :)

I hope you also feel how much I love you, the same way I feel loved by you. Your love is so sweet and strong at the same time, that you're both my weakness and strength. You've been turning my world upside down, but it's not the bad love people usually get from the wrong people. I know I'm with the right person now, and we're both getting the good love we deserve, because everything feels so right. I can't further explain how I exactly feel about this, but one thing's for sure...

I'm going to love you till we both get wrinkles and white hair. I'll still tell you you're handsome despite poor eyesight due to old age. I'm going to stand by your side despite the weakness of my bones. My heart will beat only for you till it stops beating. I was born to love you, and I'm going to die loving you.

I love you so much baby. Thank you for not making me cry for so much pain.

Only You

Two days ago, we celebrated our first monthsary since we got back together. Indeed, the days are passing by so quickly that I didn’t realize we’ve reached our first month. I wanted to write about what happened that night, but I was too tired to stare at a bright laptop screen and type. But today’s a great day since I have nothing to do, and I thought this is a great time to write down everything that happened two days ago. So here it goes.

It’s been a month, and I’m finally believing it’s all happening. That we’re on again, and it feels so much different now. In terms of how we express our love to each other, nothing has changed. But then there’s something about us that completely changed, and it feels so good that I don’t care how it happened. I just wanted it to continue and last forever. Then I realized, we’ve grown up when we’re apart, and that’s how our relationship worked out. I don’t know how to say this; it’s like we broke up and then we thought we’re trying to be good for someone else. But it’s not the real reason why we’re doing what we’re doing that time we were separated. It’s not God’s will that we changed because of someone else. It’s His plan to bring us people we can learn from, and get back together again because we’re finally mature to continue this relationship. Do you get my point? We needed other people—apart from ourselves—to realize that we’re doing it wrong.

And that’s none of our business now. Times like these make me try to know what’s going on in full details; but it’s beyond my capacity to know absolutely everything. I can’t, and I never will. God makes things happen, and I should just let Him be. But do you understand what I’m trying to express? I’m not saying that it’s what exactly happened; but I’m trying to make ourselves feel good about everything. I just thought it’s my job to tell you how glad I am that of all the people I met and the plans I made for myself, we still ended up with each other. Of the millions of people in the world, I would have met thousands of them. Hundreds of them are men, and I could have fallen in love with a few of them. But it was always you. Only you. Can you imagine how big the world is, and I only have you? I even had you twice. Now, I can’t imagine the world without you despite the many people I can have. That’s ultimately awesome; God is truly great.

To get away from such heavy thoughts up there, I want you to know that these letters are not to impress youor make you feel loved. I don’t sugar coat when I write.I don’t write 100% positive letters all the time. This is to let you know that I’m more honest when I write—not that I’m less honest in person. I just don’t get to say these things because I’m not verbose about it. When it comes to love, it’s better that I write it down, and I believe that you know it very well. I’m speechless more often; my mind goes blank when I should be responding. It only goes to work again when I’m alone and in front of the laptop. So, you’re lucky you are the receiver of my sincere letters. More than that, I’m luckier that I get to write such letters because you drive me crazy about you.

Talking about craziness, I admit that after all this time, I’m still deeply in love with you. I’m physically attracted to you; I’m emotionally attached to you; and I’m mentally connected to you. I don’t literally go crazy anymore, like I can’t be controlled. But I still get that feeling that I’m addicted to you (in a very mature manner). Addicted, as in I think about you all the time; I’m highly excited hours before we meet; my cheeks are flaming red when we’re talking over the phone; and (this time I’m uncontrollable) I can’t help myself but hug you tightly and hold your hands infinitely till we go home. I miss you every day. I miss you even when you’re around. I miss your entire presence and the things I love about you:

1.  Your brown eyes. They’re the finest eyes I’ve looked into.
2.  How simple you are. The way you dress, walkand talk is perfect enough. You’re not trying to be someone else because you are being you;
3. And that’s the third thing I love about you—you are true to yourself.
4. How responsible and disciplined you are.
5. Your humility.
6.  Being a gentleman.
7. Your respect in women.
8.  Your belief in God(and it shows!).
9. Your efforts.
10. And all the things you’re willing to do for me.

So….. I finally came to that part where I can’t add anything else. Of course, there’ll be more of this any time soon.

I’m going to end this with an endless thanks to you, my love. You are my favorite person now and then. Keep making me happy. Don’t stop inspiring me.  Love me even more each day. Stay with me for the rest of your life. Marry me. Let me be the last woman to capture your heart. Just let me love you forever. I’ll do everything to let you know that I’m only yours and I love you so much. You’re my everything, my whole world, and my whole life. You have my heart. Don’t break it, baby. I won’t break yours. I’ll make you stay forever with me. Together we’ll survive this tough life because I’ll never leave you. You’re mine, okay? I love you!

Another Shot for Us

I'm not so sure how to feel about all these. Everything was so sudden. I was just trying to get up from a fall when you picked me up. The one I loved a long time ago. The one I didn't expect to come. The one I thought I forgot, but I never really did.

I don't know how to put this in words. Like how we started our relationship years ago, I still can't tell you how much I'm happy you're in my life. Much more now that you're here again despite everything. We both know I was bad before. I even left you, not thinking how you're going to feel about that. I was blinded by my selfish, immature demands that I didn't see how much you value me and our relationship. We were so messed up then, and I wasn't able to handle those rough times. I thought leaving you will make me a better person, but it turned out to be a bigger mess I got into.

It was tough for me too. I thought I've already moved on from you. But you were always in my dreams. A lot of things reminded me of you. I tried getting rid of those things, but I loved the feeling of remembering someone I truly loved long ago. I was feeling guilty all the time because sometimes I find myself thinking of you. I wanted to talk to you ever since I left. I always wished I would see you somewhere I know you would be. Whenever I come to school, I wished to meet you or anyone close to you to know what's been going on with your life. I tried looking at your FB page too, and I saw no new photos of you.

Until you sent me a message a month ago. I felt so nervous. I was supposed to respond that same day; but I stopped myself. I really felt nervous because I wanted so much to talk to you, that I was thinking about it the whole week before I finally replied. I even talked to my friends about it because I was so bothered. Then I replied a week after. I forgot how but I remember what I felt that moment—tensed and relieved at the same time. I tried to sound like I don't want to talk to you so you'll back off. Remember, I even congratulated your Ate and asked where you work? That's because I wanted to prolong the conversation. I wanted to tell you that I'm happy we've finally talked and settled the past. I wanted to tell you how glad I am that you were the one to apologize. But I can't.

Sorry, bie. I was so rude that time. But you never gave up, right? I thought that after I told you we can't be friends you'll take back your friend request. But you didn't. You waited.

Just days ago, I finally decided to talk to you without stopping myself. It was actually the best thing I did ever since I searched for you again—though I wasn't expecting you to be coming back to me as my boyfriend again. I just really wanted to talk to you, know what's happened to you since we parted ways, and tell you everything that has happened to me too. You asked if we could be friends; I thought we can.

Then we're back together again. Just like that. Time healed our wounds, and the past was nothing but just a lesson we learned from. I'm really, really, really glad to have you again. You're that person who doesn't depend on the past. You're that man who lives in the present, learns from the past, and works for the future—and I love you so much for that. It's almost two years since we separated, but now, it felt like we never ended.

I still can't believe we're a couple again. I'm happier now, not only because we're in love with each other again, but also because we've grown up enough to handle our relationship better and stronger than before. I don't want to believe in destiny anymore but with everything happening just a day before our monthsary, I thought it's really fate that brought us together again.

I'm so glad we're going to celebrate your birthday again, as well as my college graduation, and holidays like Christmas and New Year. All these things are very important to me. You know me, I'm not into extravagant celebrations, gifts, or trips. I just want to be with you, your arms wrapped around me, just us in love with each other. Do you remember the long walks we used to have? The comfortable silence we shared? The dreams we built together? The future we've hoped to achieve? And the love we've long fought for? All the good things we had before we fell apart? I remember all these the moment I looked into your eyes again. I may not remember everything as detailed as you can, but the feelings I felt for you before—minus the frustrations and sorrows—are coming back and it's so vivid like we've never broken up. I love you even more now.

We know it's quite too fast to talk about marriage, but I am really up for it. I know I'm still too young to plan about these things, but I just wanted to settle down as soon as I have enough resources. I was always hoping I'd finally find the man I could share these plans with. The fact that I have never forgotten you, I always thought of you, I have always loved you, and I missed you all the time you were away, maybe you are the man I could finally get away with these plans. Maybe you are that one. I really want to marry you. I always told you before, I may not be the first woman in your life, but I will love you more than you love me because I want to be your last. I know you've heard this before from me or anyone else, but I want you for the rest of my life. Only you.

Baby, we don't know what'll happen next. Only God knows what's best for us. But I think if He wanted us to be together again, He definitely wanted us to love wholly again. We don't want to waste this God-given chance, right? Let's do everything to make this last longer than forever. You know, I can cause you stress; I can get mad at you; I cannot talk to you for hours; and I can be moody. But did you know that despite all these, I'll never leave you again? Do you still believe that I'll never give up on you again?

I love you so much, baby. There are too many fish in the sea, but I found you twice. I truly love you for who you are, who you've become when we're apart, and who you'll be in the near future—my husband. I want to thank you for:

* the unbelievable patience you had waiting for me

* being the first to apologize for what happened in the past

* offering a friendship I can't resist

* forgetting the past and looking ahead

* giving me your time

* being so sweet and honest

* loving me

* inspiring me to write about being happy and in love again

* being the best man I've ever had

* coming into my life again

* inviting me over to your hometown (you already know how much it means to me)

* AND EVERYTHING ELSE I CAN'T EXPLAIN!

This is it for now. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BABY!